You're worth the guilt
by words end here
Summary: AU. Set during season four's 'Pictures of You." Nathan and Peyton's feelings resurface. Implied LP, NH and Brooke/Chase. He decides its worth the guilt. Oneshot. NP. If you don't like NP, don't read.


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**A/N: **You won't want to read this if you're hardcore Naley or Leyton either. Trust me. ;) And it picks up and is set during pieces of you from season four.

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Peyton glanced at her piece of paper. Chase A it read.

That's when it happened.

Peyton had no interest in getting to know, well, Brooke's newest love interest to be frank. He looked cute. He had a skateboard. He was quirky and different. And vaguely looked like the guy off of Laguna Beach, a show Brooke couldn't get enough of, but it wasn't really Peyton's thing. She was more of a "lets go and get the new limited edition vinyl!" girl rather than Brooke, who usually woke up with a hangover and ended up watching marathons of Laguna Beach as a result. Chase was a hottie, exactly Brooke's type. Just another hottie. Just another guy, right? Well, not really. Apparently, she was falling for him, fast and hard.

Lucky for Peyton, she tossed the note so that it landed perfectly in front of Brooke. She jerked up from her seat, read it and turned around to give Peyton an appreciative smile. Peyton's heart gave a little jump, because after the whole dreaded love triangle of doom fiasco, both of the girls were regaining some sense of normality.

"Brooke?" Their English teacher alerted her.

"Um…I have Chase." She said with a smirk. She looked at Chase. What a cutie, with his big, kind brown eyes, tan skin and dark hair. One word came to Brooke's mind; yum.

"Peyton?" The teacher demanded.

"Uh…" Peyton eye's darted around the room. Nice move, genius she thought to herself. She may have scored some points with Brooke but now she was going to look as if she was on crack or something.

But Brooke Davis was not going to let that happen. And you'd be a fool if you thought she ever would.

So she put note on display to Peyton's relief.

"Nathan…" Peyton said, trailing off. Something inside of her woke up. It had been a while since she'd talked properly to Nate, she couldn't even remember the last time they talked. She and Nathan weren't really talkers though, except when it came to Haley or Lucas, the only things they seemingly had in common. A wave of nostalgia washed over her. The possibilities, she remembered when Nathan was just another ass but now he was the closest thing to a man this high school had.

"Thanks." Her best friend mouthed to Peyton, snapping her out of her little day dream. Peyton gave her a 'you're welcome' look and smiled.

"Okay here's the deal everyone pair up, you can leave the classroom but not the campus, and at the door you'll find a camera. I want each of you, at the end of the class to take a picture of your partner. This picture will represent how you see them. This picture is going into the yearbook…

At the front of the classroom, Nathan was smiling goofily that perfect white smile of his. He too, was overcome by nostalgia and to be honest, it was nice having the prospect of spending time with another girl who was not Haley. He loved and she was his wife, but Nathan still liked to think he still had a life at the ripe old age of eighteen. Haley tossed back his cap when Mr…whatshisname was done ranting and retrieved a camera.

"This is kinda like the boy-toy auction without the kissing and the partial nudity." Nathan commented sarcastically. Except he was half joking. That boy toy auction was a life changing night. A night when he could have won her back, but he didn't. He played it safe, because Haley is safe and well, Peyton? Not exactly stable. Peyton cocked her head and replied,

"Well, the hour is still young."

You better believe it was.

--

"So I guess I was right about the partial nudity thing." Peyton told him as he opened the door to the boy's locker room. "Boys locker room?"

"I'm just following the assignment." Nathan replied innocently.

Except we all know Nathan Scott is not exactly innocent.

"Okay." Peyton raised her hands in retreat.

"See this bench press?" He began, "the summer I decided I was really going to dedicate myself to basketball, my dad told me I was way too skinny to ever be a great player,"

Of course he did. Peyton thought to herself. Dan was always riding Nathan too hard, hence the collapse of their relationship. Peyton always resented Dan Scott for it. "He said I wasn't tough enough, I wasn't strong enough. So I proved him wrong and I spent every single day in this weight room." Peyton grinned. It was just so…Nathan of him to do that. He was stubborn, determined and full of spirit, all the things that made her fall in love with him in the first place all those years ago. "It's like a thousand degrees in here but I wasn't going to let that get in the way." He told her, still full of the conviction that had filled him all those months ago.

"Angers motivation." Peyton commented. You know what else is motivation? Love. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"Anger and inspiration." Nathan corrected shyly, the same goofy grin plastered on his face. Peyton felt her cheeks heat up. Oh no. Because he did just flirt with her, even if it was meant to be in a humorous, 'Oh look we used to be a couple but now we're great friends now!' way. Nathan fidgeted. "Every time I benched another ten pounds I scratched two letters into the plate."

PS. Nathan fondly remembered. Peyton Sawyer. One day he found himself wishing it was Peyton Scott, but life always finds ways of leading you astray.

"What does it say?" Peyton mumbled in a mix of embarrassment and flattery. She sat down and observed the plates.

"P.S?" She said, surprise lacing her tone.

"It was the same summer we started dating." He admitted. Nathan was not a guy who was great at channelling his emotions or letting his guard and neither was Peyton. So when he admitted this, she felt privileged. Usually he kept things bottled up inside but now he was different. He was a better person. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise. He shrugged.

"We were pretty good together, weren't we?" He asked casually, but inside, he was desperate for her to think the same. He couldn't remember a day that was important without Peyton being present, except for his first wedding day. And if he had his way, she would have been there, because she was Peyton and she was his friend and his overall best girl.

"_You had your chance." _She said when she approached him at the altar. It was so painful that a playful line like that could haunt a man for the rest of his days.

Peyton's stare averted elsewhere. Her heart had been hurt a lot but Nathan Scott, but then she remembered the ones you love the most, hurt you the most.

"Gimme your hand." She commanded. "Okay, I want you to feel this."

Nathan felt it, alright. He felt his heart pounding against his rub cage, as if it was going to escape from his chest and fall out onto the floor. God, she looked good. She always looked good. Peyton was the type of girl who could be dressed in a trashcan and still look could, with those piecing green eyes that saw straight into your soul and curly blond hair, wild and free.

"Geez, what happened?" Nathan stuttered out, amazed at his ability to speak in that moment.

"I broke that knuckle, punching something after we broke up for the twentieth time." She informed him, still smiling. Despite the punching of random things, the fight was always worth it for the make-up. Getting back together with Nathan was always like that, comforting yet enthralling at the same time. Like she'd come home, but everything felt new and exciting again. The electricity never left them when they kissed. "We were horrible together!" She stated loudly, in an attempt to cover her thoughts.

"Yeah…I know." He replied, slightly disappointed. But he'd never admit it. "Uh, I was kinda hoping you'd forget."

Forget? Peyton could never forget. She never forgot. You don't forget kisses like that. You don't forget that kind of chemistry that usually comes around once in a lifetime if you're lucky and she certainly did not forget any of the sex, no matter how drunk they'd got at parties.

"Yeah…well…" Nathan trailed off, sitting down on the bench press beside her, "I don't think I'd have done it any differently." He said.

Peyton froze. She would have. She never would have left him and gave him to Haley.

"Really?" She probed, testing him.

Nathan's froze locked with her gaze.

They still had so much to say to each other.

They just didn't know how to say it.

So, instead, he surged forward, pressing his lips to hers.

It was a great kiss, which involved tongue swirling and hands running through hair and everything else. Peyton grinned.

"What was that for?" She murmured.

"I…uh…I'm sorry for kissing you I don't know-

"I'm not." She replied.

Shit. Peyton thought. She'd been here before with the other Scott brother, and things did not go so well there either. She loved Haley, she loved Lucas but she'd always loved Nathan the most. She'd never clamored for his attention, but she'd wanted it. She had always wanted it.

"It didn't happen." Peyton said in a desperate attempt to gain back normality. She was with Lucas, whom she loved.

He just wasn't Nathan. Because he was blond, not brunette, he was sensitive, not tough, he was now an aspiring writer instead of an aspiring basketball player and he just didn't have Nathans eyes or lips.

"Yeah, um, it didn't happen." Nathan said in a daze.

CLUNK.

And with that, he fell off the bench press, to Peyton's delight. She busted into a fit of laughter and Nathan got up and whisked her into his arms, tickling her.

"Oh no you don't. You don't get to kiss me like that and then laugh!" He said playfully.

"Hey! You kissed me, if I recall correctly." She snapped back. He stopped tickling her and she turned around to him and smiled sympathetically. "We can't do this, anymore Nathan. There's Lucas and Haley now. You're married." She said sadly. It was so strange. Nathan Scott was not the boy she pegged for marriage by eighteen, but then again Nathan Scott was un-peggable. She took off his baseball hat and wore it herself.

"Do you remember the good old days when Lucas and Haley didn't exist and it was just you, me, Brooke and the latest love of her life?" He asked fondly.

"Of course I remember." She sighed. She snapped the card from Nathans hand.

"Okay. Do an impression then." She urged him.

"My wife, she very nice, high five!" He said, Peyton giggled and high fived him. It was true, because she was nice. Haley was more than nice, she was talented and kind. And also bearing Nathans son.

--

"I hope that in ten years, Haley has a bunch of platinum albums, my dad learns how to be a good grandparent and my mom is alive and sober. And, uh hopefully my son will have a killer crossover dribble." He added. It was true; he was relishing the prospect of being the father his dad never was. Peyton's heart hurt by this stage. What was she doing? Kissing another woman's husband? Lucas was one thing, but he and Brooke weren't married. They hadn't made a commitment like that. And here he was, pretending like he hadn't kissed her with all the passion inside of him. Pretending like it didn't happen. Okay, Peyton was pretending too but part of her wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

"Okay, but the question is what about you, dufus? Where do you want to be?" She demanded, looking up at him again once more. "Nate, I think its great you take care of Haley and that you're worried about your family. But, if you don't start putting yourself first every once in a while," she began in a low tone, "and chasing your own dream, then, I'm scared your going to wake up one day thinking of what could have been…like Dan." She said, sounding afraid. Nathan looked at the basketball. "Don't be haunted like that, Nate." She took the basketball.

Nathan into her eyes and knew that she knew far, far too well. She knew his dreams.

--

Nathan passed back the basketball to Peyton. He should tell her. It was only right. He didn't know how it was right, but it felt right. She should know. She knew him well enough.

"My mom tried to kill herself." He slipped it in, like it was like a 'Did you hear?' thing.

"What?" Peyton said in complete shock, laying down the basketball, her eyes full of concern.

"She took a bunch of her pills." He informed her. Peyton approached him. "I haven't told anybody…just Haley." He admitted.

"Nathan I'm so sorry." She said, her voice broken. Why didn't he tell her sooner?

"The worst part about it is, when I found out that she might die, there's a moment, just a fraction of a second that I felt relived." He told her, tears surfacing, looking at Peyton, and scanning her for answers. "Like it was actually for the best. Can you believe that? A kid actually feeling relief at the thought of losing his mother?" He asked desperately.

"Um…" Peyton said weakly.

"What kind of person does that make me, Peyton? Like I could feel that." He looked away onto the basketball court he had won so many games on. Where all his achievements lay. Peyton's eyes darted around again, searching for something, anything to make it okay.

So she kissed him. And she didn't stop kissing him this time.

"It's okay." She gasped in between kisses. "You're a great person, Nathan." She assured him. Oh yeah, he was just a great person who cheated on his wife like this. Nathan stopped her for a moment.

"We can't do this. We can't" He said.

"So why are you doing it then?" She contradicted.

Nathan thought that now they were here, in a storage room with basketballs, pom-poms and other equipment, they might as well go too far. So he pressed his lips to hers again.

Haley would forgive him. She was a forgiving person. And it's not like she didn't end up in Chris Keller's bed once or twice. Or you know, ten times.

Lucas would forgive Peyton. Because Lucas Scott was in no position to judge, right? And he wouldn't find out about this. He couldn't He'd forgive her, because Peyton needed this. She needed to feel what it was like being with Nathan again. She'd needed it for so long it was bound to explode at some stage. Nobody better catch us, Nathan thought to himself as Peyton planted hot, impatient kisses on his neck.

Their clothes ended up on the floor, one way or another. Maybe it's just the hormones, Peyton thought bitterly to herself. But it wasn't. It was so much more.

Nathan couldn't stop running his hands along her slender arms, enjoying the feel of her again. He forgot that touching and being with Peyton was not a haunted house experience.

--

When it was over, neither of them rested. The burden of what they just done was bound to give them plenty of sleepless nights to come.

"I have a serious problem." Peyton told him and herself, referring to her previous infidelity.

"You're not the married one." He replied. "Peyton, what was that?"

"You need a definition?" She asked with a hollow laugh.

"I love you." Nathan told her. She swirled around, self consciously touching one of her blond curls.

"Well I love you too, Nate, we've been through so much and-

"No. I'm in love with you." He confirmed.

Peyton knew what it felt like, bottling inside feelings. She'd done it with Lucas, but now she was thinking she'd made a mistake and a huge one at that.

"We can't, Nate. I love you too but…we can't. We're too late." She whispered. Nathan grabbed her hand.

"Maybe one day." He said, seeking her approval.

"Yeah. Someday." She responded.

--

They both exited the gym and walked out. Peyton took a picture which involved shirtless Nathan (well it's nothing new) and he took a picture of her. They had fun. They had the hottest sex they could remember and neither Lucas nor Haley found out. To say they were lucky was an understatement.

Lucas, Peyton, Nathan and Haley walked out of school together to their next class.

"Hey, I gotta do something." Lucas said, kissing Peyton's hand softly, stabbing her heart. He went over to the car to some Goth girl and Haley made a beeline for Brooke, leaving Nathan and Peyton to themselves, waiting.

"Looks like it's just you and me." Nathan observed.

"Nice try. We really are going to hell you know. Both of us. We're beyond terrible." She said, guilty.

"It's not my fault you can't resist me." He smirked. She slapped his arm. "Hey. I love you." He said, soulfully, meaning every word of it.

"I love you too."

Lucas walked over and put his arm around Peyton and Nathan watched them walk on by themselves. He vowed, right there and then, he'd get her back. Some way. Some how. Some day.

"Hey. I love you." Lucas told Peyton sweetly.

Peyton linked arms with Brooke, pretending not to hear. What a terrible day.

Oh yeah. Life is so terrible when both the Scott brothers love you. Completely over rated.

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**I don't want people telling me "Oh this would never happen" and "Haley and Nathan 4eva!" or whatever. Other than that, you are very welcome to leave a review. :D**


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